Lilia Write Now

I write, therefore I am

Crack December 2, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — llipps @ 7:08 pm
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The leg starts jittering, foot moving up and down at jackhammer speed.

Right away, awareness dawns, and reactions amplify.

“Hey foot, you think you’re so special? Watch me fly!”

There’s the heart, racing the foot. First one to the finish line gets to go in the grave with me. Because there’s no way I can maintain this pace, have this much adrenaline, and not die.

If my heart doesn’t finish me off, my shallow breathing, almost hyperventilating, might do the trick.

And why the hell is it so hot in here? Who cranked up the heat? Why am I melting while everyone else is shivering.

And speaking of all these assholes around me, why are they ok? How can they all be laughing and carrying on at a time like this? Don’t they have the same pit of doom in their stomachs? Isn’t their world about to implode as well?

I need a dark space where I can isolate myself. Maybe crawl under the desk, or go hide out in the back seat in the parking garage.

Just until things feel normal again.

Oh, what am I on? Like drugs?

Naw, you’ve got it all wrong man, I am not on any chemicals.

Just the ones in my brain.

This is just a standard anxiety attack.

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2 Responses to “Crack”

  1. michelle Says:

    Prolific. So so true. I have these almost daily. It’s so hard to explain what it feels like but I feel like you REALLLLLY hit the nail on the head. This is why I think you are one of the most articulate and well phrased people I know. I’m with you, sister.


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