I don’t get it. I want to get it. I have tried to get it. But I don’t get it.
As the weather has turned warmer, all you Clevelanders are posting about drinks on patios. There are blog posts devoted to which patios are the best. Similarly there are blog posts espousing the virtues of many an exotic cocktail. This conversation topic was especially rampant this past holiday weekend.
I want to be like you. I want to tell you about the delicious new “summer sipper” that I discovered. Or about the fabulous four hours I spent at the city’s hottest outdoor watering hole.
But I can’t. And probably never will.
For starters, I don’t really drink. This is not a religious or moral decision. I simply don’t like how most alcohol tastes. Except for the frou frou drinks. And even those, I don’t want to be able to taste the alcohol. Also, cocktails are not cheap. Now that I’m a respectable married lady, the only man buying me drinks is my husband. And the money he uses to pay for those drinks comes from community funds. So yeah, there’s that.
Second, did you guys know that it was over 90 degrees outside this past Memorial Day? Also, have you heard of this little invention called air conditioning? It’s super cool. You turn a dial on a little widget on the wall, wait a little bit, and your whole house cools off.
See, I am always hot. Like always. Like when the other girls at work have their little space heaters on, I have my desk fan blasting me in the face. Always. Hot.
So, sitting on a patio, in 90+ degree heat doesn’t necessarily appeal to me.
Hot, sweaty, sticky sipping on an expensive not great-tasting adult beverage does not a great day make. Not to this girl anyway.
I want to be cosmopolitan and cool like the rest of you.
But I will settle for actually being cool in my air-conditioned house, sipping on an alcoholo-free arnold palmer.