To my husband who may be a tad concerned after seeing the title of this post: it will all make sense as you keep reading.
I recently had lunch with a new friend. She and I were discussing a shared acquaintance, particularly this person’s somewhat desperate approach at trying to establish friendships. We both agreed that it was a bit off-putting. My lunch companion stated that by our age, we should already have pretty good friendships established. We either have our high school friends or our college friends or work friends, or combinations of all the above.
I agree with her. To some extent. And while I certainly don’t want to come off the same way as the acquaintance we were discussing, part of me kind of gets where she is coming from.
As human beings (particularly of the female persuasion) we have this need to feel connected to people. We seek out people to act as confidantes, as distractions from the drudgery of life, as people who can validate our fabulousness.
Throughout high school and college I don’t think that I was ever really lacking in friendships. I am a pretty outgoing person and have been described as fairly charming, so meeting people was never a problem.
Then I got married. My husband is a bit anti-social, and that hindered me a little bit from meeting people because now, we needed “couple friends”. Also, we noticed another thing changing. As more and more of our friends started having kids, we noticed a shift in those friendships as well.
So, I am at a place now where I do find myself looking for opportunities to develop new friendships. And it feels a lot like dating.
Hey, I Just Met You, And This is Crazy…
Much like I met my husband online, the abundance of social media channels has also allowed me to meet some lovely new ladies. But just like when you meet a boy at a club, how do you take that step from flirting at the bar, to exchanging numbers and suggesting you get together? At least with the
meat market club scene, everyone there has pretty much the same agenda. The boys might be looking for a quick hook-up while the girls may be looking for ever-lasting love, but at the end of the night, everyone is pretty much looking for a connection.
This is not necessarily true when you meet fellow tweeters at an event. You’re all there because of the event, but not necessarily because you are looking to bond with someone. So if you meet someone and hit it off with them, how do you make that transition to suggesting a lunch or drinks date?
But Here’s My Number, So Call Me Maybe
OK, so let’s say you connected with this boy at the bar, and somehow have fumbled through the exchange of phone numbers. Do you wait for him to call you? Do you call him? And do you even talk on the phone at all? Or do you text? It has been a while since I have had to give any consideration to things of this nature, but in the far recesses of my mind, I do seem to recall that these types of games were definitely played.
Well, I think the same thing applies to meeting new potential friends. You meet at an event. Maybe you exchange numbers. Do you call this girl or do you wait for her to call you? Or do you just tweet her? Like “Hey, @maybemynewbestfriend it was awesome to meet you! Lunch soon? #totallynotastalker” Really? Then you are putting yourself out there in front of the whole twitterverse, not just one person. And how long do you wait before taking some kind of action? Oy. My head is starting to hurt.
Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
So here’s the thing, I fall hard and I fall fast. By now, we have probably hung out a few times and I feel like we are on our way to something real. If we were dating, I may even be pretty close to sleeping with you.
This translates in the friend world too. No, I will not sleep with you. But I do feel pretty comfortable with you at this point, and barring any psychotic breaks on your part, we are probably on our way to being friends.
I recently told a new girl at work that she may not realize it yet, but I am going to make her my BFF. Not long after that she told me she loved me (for having an extra pair of headphones.) This is pretty much the friendship equivalent of getting married. In the next month or two, we are going away together for the weekend (like a honeymoon).
Sure, things are moving fast. But it just feels right, you know?
Also, unlike dating, I can have more than one. I don’t even have to live in Utah for it to be legal. So, I am officially accepting all applications for new friends. Knowledge of Carly Rae Jespen and Justin Bieber lyrics not required.